Fabian’s report was filed from the Mountain View county jail. After an unsuccessful attempt to sneak back into Le Go-Go’s headquarters to recover his grandma’s moving picture camera, he ended up spending the night behind bars.
Le Go-Go Group proudly announced the highly anticipated Nexus One device yesterday during a morning press conference. While Wall Street analysts forecasted another cellular gadget, Le Go-Go’s Nexus One turned out to be much more than just another phone. As shown in the promotional advertisement below, the device resembles a hybrid of a watch, a miniature cellphone, and an electronic ankle bracelet registered criminal offenders wear when serving probations.
Andy Lai, the head of Le Go-Go Group’s communications team lead the keynote. Andy proudly announced, “Le Go-Go and our Asian subsidiary hardware companies have launched six devices running our award winning Andy Operating System. Today we’re here to revolutionize the mobile space once more with the Nexus One!”
According to Andy, the Nexus One has two comparative advantages. First, the device will be marketed as a macho internet phone. Its slogan: “where phone meets the internet.” Like the other AndyOS devices, the Nexus One will be able to run any number of user-installable applications available from the Andy Marketplace. This places Le Go-Go in direct competition with Apple Whole Food Market’s extremely popular bPhone or commonly known as the Banana Phone. Second, to gain market share and truly dominate the mobile space, Le Go-Go is making an unprecedented move to offer the unlocked version of the device for free. If users decide to sign up for a 2-year contract with T-Mobile, Le Go-Go will even rebate $80.
“Imagine a world where anyone can get a phone for free! Le Go-Go is making that dream a reality.”
Le Go-Go is offering the Nexus One to three different groups of end consumers. For regular folks, the unlocked version is free. Free shipping is also included. The package comes with all the essential accessories like the ankle bracelet and the USB cable. For convicted inmates serving a sentence longer than 30-days, Le Go-Go is offering the Nexus One package along with free mobile service for only two packs of cigarettes, cigarettes being the most prevalent form of currency in today’s jails. Finally, for those daring few who want to lock in with T-Mobile’s shoddy service for two years, Le Go-Go will pay you $80.
What’s the Catch?
By now you might wonder why Le Go-Go Group, the hallmark of capitalism, is practically giving away cash. MIT Sloan Professor Dmitri Tarasov explains, “Although Le Go-Go is one of the biggest conglomerates in American history, its executive team recently recognized the value of harvesting information for profit. Unlike other cellular devices, each Nexus One is connected with Le Go-Go’s data center. Every character you type, every call you make, every picture you take, every phrase you query will be logged by Le Go-Go and filed away for later use.”
Tarasov continues, “Think 1984. Now replace the totalitarian government with a totalitarian and basically omniscient company. People are trading their privacy for free gadgets. Whoever came up with the Nexus One’s product design actually did a great job. Consumers are essentially wearing these things like electronic ankle bracelets, things normally reserved for convicted felons on probation.”
When asked whether he will be taking advantage of the Nexus One deal, Tarasov replied, “I would rather shoot myself in the foot.”