After twenty-two hours of closed-door deliberations late Sunday night, America’s largest fast food chain McDonald’s agreed to purchase news aggregator Digg for $50 million in cash, stocks, and Deluxe Crispy Ranch Chicken BLTs. While this acquisition may seem odd to main street rednecks, talented Wall Street gurus at Goldmen Balls approved the deal. Full-time coffee bitch Richard Montauk explains, “Here are Goldmen Balls, we see so many synergies between McDonald’s and Digg. If both parties listen to our sound advice, the newly revamped corporation could benefit from balanced vertical integration, diversification, consularization.”

Most of America is familiar with the golden arches for many decades; Digg, however, was founded only a couple years back and is known to a much smaller market. According to Encyclopedia Britannia, Digg is a daily paper publication powered by the people for the people. Every night, fans from all across the United States mail in snippets of their favorite written or visual pieces from a wide-array of books, newspapers, and magazines. Next, Digg’s ever-diligent staff of over 5,000 Hispanic migrant workers files these submissions. The most popular submissions bubble up to the top and get printed in color on the homepage.

Digg’s founder Kevin Rose was ecstatic about the news, providing merely two words of commentary, “I’m rich!” Senior project manager Alvarez Velasquez Perez showed only mediocre levels of enthusiasm. “I guess being bought by McDonald’s is ok. Hopefully, I’ll get to keep my job as a manager. Now me, my ma, my pa, and my younger brother will all work for the same company. God bless the USA.”

Although the acquisition still needs FTC clearance, Digg has already begun integrating McDonald’s products onto its daily frontpage. Wall Street believes the deal will get FTC approval by the end of 2010.

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