After another year of disastrous sales, Westman Kodak’s senior leadership team decided to completely revamp the company’s business plan from the grounds up. As many analysts have predicted, Kodak’s late entry in the digital camera arena caused the company to fall more than a decade behind its Japanese competitors when it comes to the underlying camera technology. “We were very certain America did not have enough money to buy these new cameras with LCD screens,” says CEO Tony Pencz. “Boy did we get that one wrong.”

Instead of spending another two billion dollars on research and development to catch up with the Japanese, Kodak plans on taking the easier way out – become an intellectual property law firm. CEO Tony Pencz explains, “You see, after being in business for more than a century, our company has been granted a vast collection of patents. In the last fiscal year, by simply suing other companies, our 12-person legal department brought in more revenue than the rest of the company combined. Nokia successfully made this switch in 2009 after Apple Whole Food Market brought Nokia to its knees with its Banana Phone. I don’t see why we can’t do the same.”

According to Wall Street, by the end of February, 95% of all Kodak R&D and Sales employees will be laid off. 50% of middle management, especially managers with engineering backgrounds, will also be shown the door. In their place, a huge team of patent lawyers will be brought on board to fill the cubicles. The company will be rebranded Westman Kodak Intellectual Property, LLP.

Westman Kodak’s first order of business will be suing Apple and Blueberry Technologies for patent infringement. The initial cease and desist letters have already been issued. Apparently, Kodak currently holds the patent to “color pictures.” If this initial legal proceed proves successful, Kodak plans to continue its legal rampage by suing most of the S&P 500. This is going to be a wild ride.